Abstinence: What It Is and How It Works

Abstinence is the choice not to have oral, vaginal, or anal sex. Basically, you're choosing not to do the things that put you at the most risk of getting pregnant or contracting a sexually transmitted infection (STI). It's a legitimate choice at any age, for any reason — and it's more common among teens than most people assume.

What's in it for me?

Simple: you avoid the behaviors that carry pregnancy and STI risk, and in return you get a 100% guarantee that you won't have to stress about either one. No prescriptions, no appointments, no cost.

Can I still masturbate?

Of course. Abstinence doesn't mean shutting down all your sexual feelings — it just means avoiding the specific things that put you at risk. The only activities off the table are:

• Anal sex (penis in anus)
• Vaginal sex (penis in vagina)
• Oral sex (mouth to vulva, penis, or anus)

That means you and a partner can still make out, hold hands, and be close in plenty of other ways. One tip: it's a good idea to keep naked genitals from touching other naked genitals, since skin-to-skin contact can spread certain STIs even without sex.

But once I get started, it's hard for me to stop…

Yup — we understand that for some people, that's a reality. If that's your situation, you may want to take abstinence a step further and avoid doing anything that gets you sexually excited in the first place.

And if that's not realistic for you either, that's okay. Check out our guides on condoms, hormonal birth control, and emergency contraception to learn how to protect yourself during sexual activity. Abstinence works best as a real choice, not a guilt trip.

Do I need to be a virgin to choose abstinence?

Nope. If you've already had sex, it's never too late to choose abstinence. Plenty of people have sex at one point in their lives and then decide to wait — for months, for years, or until a relationship feels right. Your past doesn't lock you into anything.